i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Randomize
