I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Say something about gay babies.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
