Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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