If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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