i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
