Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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