there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
