Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
