You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
