First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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