i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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