Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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