i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
