You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
