I think I won the penis lottery.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
