Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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