I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
