So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
