I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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