my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
