When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
