I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
