I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
