There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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