she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
MIDGETS
????
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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