She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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