you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
