Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
