you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
