Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
