PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
