I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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