Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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