I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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