Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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