So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
