I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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