I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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