I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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