Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
