Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
