I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have feelings that need drinking.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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