p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
