i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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