I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
