Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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