My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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