my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
