All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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