Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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