party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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