he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did i walk over a car last night?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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