Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
