my vag is so smooth its legendary
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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