good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
