I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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