Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just cut my nipple shaving
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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