Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The best revenge is premature balding
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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