I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The air was thick with penises
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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