Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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