Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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