He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
