Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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