People in love make me want to vomit
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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