That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
