I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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