My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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