I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
