: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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