you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
