Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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