Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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