The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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