Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
