Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
