today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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