I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Come on in and take your pants off
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