my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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