Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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