That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
