Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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