best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
